TAKING THE FIRST STEP

        I have absolutely no idea what I am doing. I never really understood why people spend their time blogging and sharing their every thought with the world. I mean really when you think about it I do that just about every time I post a picture or expressed my thoughts or views on Facebook and Instagram.  So my therapist suggested that I get back to writing, so here I'm taking the first step at doing what I love.

      My name is Mashikka, and from what I've told been my name means "born during the raining season" in Swahili. The short story behind it is, my momma doctor was Swahili and the day she went in labor it rain all day and when I made my entrance into this world the rain had stop. My momma told me the doctor said "Mashika". Even though I thought it was beautiful I was still a shame of it because I would get teased and picked on. It took me a while to realize that no matter what others think or say about me, I will always be me whether they like me or not.

     I am 28 years and 28 days old...I know I could have said I was 28 and my birthday is coming up soon, but it sounded better this way. I am happily married, so all my crushes back off cause I'm taken. Yeah I know that this statement is overly used but I truly married my best friend. Sure we've had our ups and down, but what marriage doesn't. We are the modern day Brady Brunch, we have SIX KIDS, yes I said six. Our house is always busy and very very noise especially when you  add two dogs into the mix. I spent six years being a stay at mom and homeschooling my little's until they were school age.

    Now that I have given an insight in myself and what sparked me to seeing a therapist in the first place and what laid me to this very moment in my life. Let's just say that the past four and half months have felt like a bad dream that I just can't seem to wake up from. Just four days after celebrating my favorite holiday "Thanksgiving" with my family, my great grandma passed away. Surprisingly she was battling Leukemia and she didn't tell us, at least not ME. Annie Brown or Granny is what she was best known as and now my Guardian Angel, was a very sweet lady. Everyone she ever came in contact with fall in love her and no matter what see was always going to tell you the true. So don't ask her a question if you wanted to be told what you wanted to hear. In the beginning I would call her house just to listen to her voice mail or watch this video my little cousin recorded her watching wrestling. I've lost people in my life before but this was earth shattering. It was like someone had squeeze all the air out of my lungs, literally. I was driving when I found out and I jump out of my car and fell to the ground. To top it all off I had to work a full week before the funeral. Looking back now I didn't know how strong I was until I had to live through those two weeks.

    I was taught at a young age to believe in God, go to church and say my prayers. As a child I mostly did what I was told didn't ask question and for damn show didn't talk back to adults. But now as an adult myself and have had my share of ups and downs living in the real world. After my Granny left this earth and a body that had finally give up on her, I end up being rush to the hospital with pain throughout my entire body. It wasn't my first trip to the ER, in fact it was my fourth time that year. I found myself questioning GOD, asking myself why would GOD allow this much pain to enter into my life. Then to see doctor after doctor and no one could tell me what the hell was wrong with me. My faith and all that I was taught about GOD was beginning to faded. Now if I've gotten sick and had a doctor to tell "I'm sorry your test result has come back showing signs of cancer." But that wasn't my case I got the call say "All of your test result came back negative." Even though I was low on the faith meter, but my husband's was running over he just wouldn't let me give up on myself. So I kept digging, kept trying to find so answers. After months of  unanswered questions finally I get a glimpse of relief. I was diagnose with FIBROMYLGIA, it's a mouth full but yeah. It is a illness that causes chronic pain it the muscle, there is no known causes or how to treat it. So like I said some glimpse of relief.

     I don't know what's to come out of all of this by creating this blog. Maybe it will help me rediscover my passion for writing. Maybe it help me cope with my illness and just maybe if anyone cared to read this it will help someone else. But until next time, I am signing off now and good night cyber world